Why Do I Feel So Depressed? It’s Not Like Me

The question, why do I feel so depressed, has kept going through my mind all month. Last month I was on a roll like I have not been since I can even remember. In a 30-day time frame I had written over 30,000 words.

I love to write. I always have, but I have never written like I did last month. Since my accident I could not write no more and then last month came along. I thought I finally broke the bad change in my life.

Life Altering

  • It’s just an accident.
  • It’s not like it was that bad.
  • You guys are overreacting.
  • Other’s have it worse than you.
  • You have a choice whether this really changes you.
  • Your wife does not have PTSD.
  • You do not have PTSD.
  • You look fine.
  • I never noticed.
  • What’s so difficult?
  • Move on.
  • Life goes on.
  • You need to just accept what happened.
  • Your wife is just being selfish.
  • You are just being selfish.
  • You are stupid and you are going to fail.

These were but a few “encouraging’ style comments I have received since I was burned by acid. If just comments like these alone are not enough to give mind altering feelings to most people then all I can say is “wow.”

Some people have developed thick skin and can let most things roll off their backs, but the average person who appears to have thick skin still is falling apart inside when these type of words are given. They may not show it on the outside, but they definitely have it on the inside eating them up.

30% of my body was burned! Not by scorching water, not by the devouring teeth of fire, but by the flowing flesh eating sulphuric acid that I have to work with on a daily basis since I work/co own a chrome plating shop.

On the phone with the 911 dispatch operator, I was accused of pouring the acid on my wife intentionally. What I went through was not an accident of any minor proportion. I even turned away aid twice so that my wife could get treatment first.

While I heard her screams of anguish as she was getting hosed down, I was still getting ate up by acid; because, I told them to take care of her first. I even told them to put her in the first ambulance.

They were refusing to contact family. I kept giving them my father-in-laws number, but nobody would take the time to call. I kept telling them how to call my dad, but they would not.

While I was suffering I was making sure to ask for our father’s; because, I did not want the mother’s getting the news this way. Through my misery I still thought of my mother’s anxiety problems and my mother-in-law’s emotions about her daughter being injured.

When I was getting transferred to Grand Rapids, MI’s burn unit that same night I asked my parents to make a detour and take care of my dog’s.

Whenever asked what was it like, I only had one answer.

“I would not wish it on the worst person in the world. I would not even wish it on Adolf Hitler even though he murdered thousands of Jews.”

I lost my focusing capabilities. I lost some mobility in my left arm, which I am left-handed. I lost a lot of my independence. I lost my health. I lost my home. I was losing my company. I lost a lot of things.

I lost many of my passions.

  • Writing
  • Running my business successfully.
  • Wardrobe style.
  • Gaming (which I did only once in a while.)
  • Lost much of my interest in movies and TV shows.

One’s passions are part of what defines them. I had been working on a novel for over fifteen years. I had a well renowned artist design my book cover. I was close to doing my final edits. Then the accident occurred.

One of the things that I told myself was that I now had no excuse to finish the book while I was recovering. Boy was I wrong. I still have not been able to open it back up and start finishing my work on it.

I lost my passion for my business; because, I was not allowed to heal as needed before I was forced back to work. I was supposed to wear a special pressure garment to help with the scarring. It cost both of is a tiny fortune and we could not even wear them because they would cause many sores.

Because of this I had to force myself to wear a style of shirt that I always hated the feeling of. Skin tight clothes have never been my thing. I even abhorred wearing long johns growing up. The tightest thing that I would wear was a necktie for church and a belt tightly wrapped to my waist to hold my pants up. Tight clothes and clothing falling off or down were the two things I hated. I had to wear Under Armour   compression shirts, which was very tight compared to what I was used to wearing. (Through different brand trials personally, I found the best brand for scarring was the Under Armour brand.)

These shirts took a little time getting used to, but they ended up feeling very comfortable over time. This was because the pressure actually felt good on the damaged skin and the pressure helped mask some damaged nerves.

The question still remains in my head: why do I feel so depressed?

Before the accident:

  • I loved to joke.
  • I was a happy-go-lucky guy.
  • I did not like confrontation, but I would defend myself like a lion would its cub.
  • I was a great multi-tasker.
  • I loved to talk to people.

I find what most people want to see is what I was. They do not want to see who I really am now. All the above things I mentioned I no longer do or only pretend because that is what people want to see of me.

Multi-tasking is the one thing I cannot pretend myself through no more.

No matter what I do and no matter what I think or say I cannot get that feeling of depression out of my mind. Even in my rough circumstances I still “know” I have more reasons to be happy than I do for being depressed.

But how do you overcome something that refuses to go away.

In the Christian realm they would say to: “…cast all yours cares on Him (God) for he careth for you…” They would say that your depression is a sin problem and not a physical problem.

I’m sorry, but one’s mind is a physical problem. Without it we would be vegetables. Struggling with depression does not mean it is a sin problem. It means there is a physical imbalance in one’s body and it needs to be corrected.

Why would your God help you if you first are not willing to help yourself? If a doctor says you need to take such-and-such to help with your depression and you refuse to take it. Then why would God help you overcome your depression; because, you have turned away an option that should/would help.

If it even helped at 5% then you still are trying your best to help yourself. If you have to go to mental illness facility to get help or to take a break and refresh your mind then do so. Nobody will want to help you for long if you yourself are not willing to first help yourself.

God, Himself, will not help you overcome your depression if you are waiting on him to do so while turning all your help away.

Never give up.

“Never give up, Never surrender.” – Tim Allen in the movie Galaxy Quest.

We must make the choice to never give up. If we give in then why will God help is? Why will family members want to help is? They will for a time, but eventually they are going to not care because you yourself are showing that you do not care either.

The moment you put your hands up and say “I give up” then that is when you are starting to lose.

You can get up every morning depressed. You can go to bed every night depressed. You are a winner if you keep getting up and going to bed every day. It does not matter what the world thinks or says about you. You are a winner as long as you keep moving forward one day at a time.

Your choice.

It is your choice whether you want to be a winner or a loser. A person who lives their entire life and dies from natural causes is more of a winner than someone who started with nothing and amassed a mighty fortune before they die.

Choose which path you are going to take. I have failed for nearly a month now, but I forced myself to write this article. I told myself that I need to keep moving forward. I need to stop asking why and need to start doing.

It is fine to question, but it is more important to make a move than to sit idly by.

Read my book summary on more about success.

Please comment below and let others and myself know your thoughts.





Can A Dog Help With Depression

I do not have fingers so I do not type. My father is my proxy for typing; because of this I “allow” him to claim authorship of everything I say in my corner. Oh, by the way… my name is Lockjaw– you know like the superhero English Bulldog.

I am going to be sharing some fun things that I get to do with my dad or my sister or whatever or whoever I feel like doing fun things with. Today one I will tell you a bit about myself, but I am also going to answer this one question my Dad asked himself before I was even born. “Can a dog help with depression?”

I'm the black one!

The answer is a a resounding:

“Woof!” and for those of you who do not speak dog that is “Yes!”

My dad had the greatest excitement of meeting me the day I was born. Once I was old enough he and my mom took me home.

I am now already fifteen weeks old. I look like a lab, but have no lab in me. I actually am a mixed breed. One of my grandparents was an English Mastiff.

I am a big boy.

Why am I able to help with depression?

I am able to help against some mild depression from my dad for many reasons. There are so many I have to list them:

  1. I am very cute!
  2. I am a great cuddler!
  3. I have adorable and “woe is me” eyes!
  4. I put a smile on you face!
  5. I give hugs!
  6. I learned to shake your hand after one time!
  7. I learned to sit after one time too!
  8. I am very loyal to my Daddy!
  9. I go to work with him almost every day! (He owns his own company.)
  10. When Dad cannot sleep during night he sometimes sleeps at or under his desk at work. (I usually get my way and get to cuddle up around his head under the desk.)
  11. My Dad has lots of struggles and difficulties, but I am always happy and ready to make him smile.
  12. I never stop loving my Dad… no matter how mad I may make him at times (whispering) Even when I go potty in the house.
  13. I drop my dad’s stress level a lot and he says so to me all the time!
  14. I am also a better kisser than my mamma. (If you don’t believe me come and meet me. I will give you a great big french kiss!”
  15. I do not destroy my toys like my sister does.
  16. I am not moody like my “old” sister is.
  17. I love giving everybody attention… even strangers. (My Daddy says I cannot keep running up to strangers because one day I will scare them. humph! What does he know?
  18. I love to go on walks!
  19. I do not pull…much… when I go on a “leash” walk.
  20. I loyally sleep at my Dad’s feet. I even try at the big metal polishing machine at work when my Dad works at it, but he always tells me to move. Not sure why… it is not like it is dangerous or nothing. I love watching the lightning bugs laying there flying around my head. Makes me fall asleep. (But Dad keeps moving me!)So sexy and I know it!

I can name a lot more things, but I think you get the picture. I am cheaper than a human baby too. I only eat one meal a day so I am much easier to feed too.

Going outdoors always helps even a little with your mood. So I make Daddy go on a walk with me every night and sometimes I am naughty just for fun.

He knows I do it on purpose too.

I am so loyal to my Dad that when other dogs go near him it makes me mad! I would swear at them if I could, but he threatens to wash my mouth out with soap. (Psst! I like the taste of soapy water.) I do not swear because he says it is not right for a little puppy to talk like that. So I listen.

Mamma’s sister has a daughter and she swore before she was even two years old! I am so much better as a kid… even if I take dumps in the house at times.

Positives outweigh the negatives for my Daddy.

This is so true. I am noisy sometimes and I make messes inside sometimes, but try to hold your bladder and bowels when you have such a tiny bladder and stomach with how hard I play. You would too.Give me a mouthful of that!

See that is only two negative things I can list. Cannot really say I am too expensive. My cousin costs more than me and I can be left home alone already and she cannot (I wonder why… I am told it is because of something illegal!)

That sounds like a nasty word, but I think it is because they think she will swear if she is left alone. What do you think?

He does not have to dress me or try to keep my clothes on. My aunt has that problem with my cousin too. Maybe another reason she cannot stay home alone.

I love the Dog Whisperer!

Do you know who the Dog Whisperer is? I did not know who he was last year either. In my defense, I was not born yet. The Dog whisperer is Cesar Millan! There are some people who do not like him, but like my Daddy says you have to eat the hay and spit out the briers at times. Personally I do not like eating either. Bacon is what I would always eat if he would let me. He still has not given me one slice.

I am so heart broken. But still I cannot say enough about Cesar Millan… his shows are entertaining and I love seeing all the dogs that live with him. It is so cool. He is my dream celebrity to meet one day. Do you think I have a chance to meet him?

I found out I can buy his first season of the Dog Whisperer on Amazon. I have to get a hold of my Daddy’s credit card to buy it. Do you think I would get in trouble. I mean come on it is JUST Cesar Millan. What would a couple bucks mean to my Daddy if it makes me happy?

I make my Daddy so happy do you think he can say no to this adorable face? Click here to go see Dog Whisperer Season One.

PTSD and Exercise – How Does One Do It?

I have found that trying to exercise with ptsd is very difficult. I have very little energy and I am always physically exhausted. I am going to walk us through several methods that I am doing and we will see if it is something we can figure out how to add exercise processes to it.

Ptsd and exercise is a very important combination. Ptsd can develop depression, anxiety, and anger issues. It is easier to fight these ailments with a healthy body. What better way than to exercise and stay in shape at all times. One of the difficulties is what are the:

Extent of our physical injures for why we have ptsd?

Oftentimes ptsd is caused by something major that happens to us physically and not just mentally. When this happens not only do we suffer from an emotional and traumatizing injury, but also of a physical one.

For me I have found that I no longer have full mobility to my left arm. I am left-handed and it is very difficult to function when you do not have full mobility. I have gained most of it back, but I still have some mobility that is not there.The limitations are easily seen.

What makes it worse is the fact that I could gain more if I was willing to go in for another skin graft surgery, but that would result in:

  • More recovery.
  • More medicines.
  • More bandages.
  • More time being laid up.
  • More therapy.
  • More time off from running our company.
  • More medical bills.

These all add up and make it difficult to want to make a decision such as this. With this limitation I can only raise my arm so high one way or the other.

With this complication in mind I can move on to see what else it complicates.

Complications in strength.

The largest complication that I have found is the lack of strength and no matter how much I use my arm at work it does not seam to be getting stronger. With this I have found, to this day, I am only able to do three push-ups. Back in the day I was able to do, at least, 100 push-ups.

This is a major drop. The majority of my arm has been re grafted and so I find that it feels tight quite a bit once I start working it hard. With this complication and then adding trying to work above my head I find that I lose all my strength entirely.

I know that if anything has to be done that requires lifting or working shoulder height or higher than I am going to be in a world of difficulty. That does not mean that I do not work my arm.

Therapy stopped working.

I went to therapy for quite a long time. But the more I was going the worse my abilities were getting. Even my therapist was getting confused. She would ask me if I was doing all my exercises, which I emphatically said I was.

The next day I went in the same issue appeared, the same question was asked, and the same answer was given. After a while, we talked for a good amount of time trying to figure out what my problem was.

“Could it possibly be that when I had the accident and I lost all muscle mass in my arm and left chest muscle? When they skin grafted me, is it possible that my muscles are growing to fast with the skin still trying to heal.” I have small hands, but they looked huge compared to my arm right after the accident.

Look how huge my hand looks.

Eventually, my burn doctor said I could get no more use at therapy; he said I was going to have to do it all on my own from then on out if it was to get any better. That was when I finished therapy and I made a hard decision.

I do not care what the experts are saying!

I said to myself that I was not going to live my life as if I was half crippled. I was going to live my life as a man who may have had limitations, but was not crippled.

Their method of exercises seamed to be making things worse for me, which meant I had to do something radical. No… I did not become lazy and do nothing. I told myself I was going to live my life as good as I could as if I did not have limitations.

It was a long and slow road for me, but I discovered something that was awe-inspiring to me; to this day, I am still pleased that I made the decision that I did.

I was getting stronger and I was gaining some more mobility in my left arm. There were some great obstacles to overcome along the way.I am still working hard at my co-owned company!

My job was a very taxing job for my arms and body.

I own, Kro-Pro, and that company is a “custom” chrome plating shop. This means the plating lines are not automatic; I assume there has to be a plating shop out there that does have automated lines, but I do not know of any personally. My difficulties were:

  • I had to carry parts hanging from hooks, which could weigh around 25 lbs.
  • I had to transfer liquids from one tank to the next in five gallon tanks very often.
  • I had to work at chest level wiring parts up.
  • I had to work at chest level un-wiring parts that had been plated.
  • I had to lift the hooks of parts in and out of tanks.
  • I had to spray parts off after some plating operations.
  • I had to sometimes use a rake to dig around in tanks if a part fell down inside.
  • I had to hail pales and move drums quite often.

All these show a very busy, active, and physically difficult job.

The problem was still growing.

I figured all that was going to be bad, but I still forgot something that I had no idea I lost. I had absolutely no endurance in my body. I would move a part to the cleaner tank. Drop it down, pull it out, scrub it very well. I would place it back in the tank and leave it on power to get electrocleaned for a minute.Tired much?

I would have to pull the part out of the tank and move it to the rinse tank. The part would be dipped in the rinse water and shook around to help remove cleaner from it. From there I had to pull it out of the tank spraying the whole thing down very well. This was all just the first step.

The part would be dropped in an acid etch for a few moments getting shaken around. It would be pulled out and dunked in one rinse tank after the other. There were three of those tanks. The hook would be dropped in the strike bath (essentially a primer), which is also called a sacrificial plate, for 2-3 minutes. Up it came to get dunked in three rinse tanks one after the other.

It then went down into copper for an hour. That was where the problem appeared. I was shocked at it and had no idea how I was going to move on from it.

I was physically exhausted just after one step and one part; there was still 4 more hooks of parts to be ran.

What I had to do.

Thankfully, I was the boss. I would take a break to catch my breath. After a few minutes, I would go at it again. The steps would be repeated over and over again. My work was my therapy and work out.

Over time, I found I was gaining more mobility, which was a great blessing. My endurance was slowly growing, but at a very slow rate. It has been one year and four months since the accident. I still have low endurance and low energy.

I was able to stretch my elbow out completely during this time, but my resistance of tight skin around my armpit was to thick and bad to give my shoulder better flexibility.This is how the parts hang.

I could not lift parts high enough above my head.

This became a major issue. These are rare and delicate pieces meaning that clanging the parts on the sides of tanks was not an option. I knew I needed to strengthen my arm, which meant I had to make myself use my left arm to lift parts out of the tanks and back in others.

“Hey, I see you can raise your arm higher above your head!” People would say all the time.

“Not really! Look at my feet.” I would laugh the reply back making the good of the disappointing situation.

They would see me standing on my right foot leaning to the side where my left foot would no longer be touching the ground. That little trick gave me the tiny couple inches I needed to clear the walls of the tanks.

I was still an impressive accomplishment.

What Next?

I am at the point now where I need to start doing some regular exercises besides just work. I have been looking at several things that interest me for exercise:

  • I have always been interested in Wing Chun since I saw the movie Ip Man played by Donnie Yen. Martial arts was always a fascination of mine, but this was the one that sealed the deal, so to speak. The difficulty is that the closes school is about 30 minutes away.
  • Body building with weights or free less (which is how Arnold Schwarzenegger began) if I can gain the strength that I need for free less. When I say free less I mean things such as push-ups and sit ups. Anything that does not need weights.
  • Tai Chi has fascinated me also, which to me can look like a form of dance as well as a martial art.
  • Sword fighting, which we have a dojo that teaches it right in my area.

These are the ideas I am leaning towards. I am hoping to make a decision on one of them before the snow falls.

What are your thoughts?

It is hard for me to want to exercise. I have low energy and lack of desire to do anything besides sitting at my desk or trying to make some money at work to pay my bills to be able to keep my desk that I am currently on.

I figured do something that I would enjoy and have always been interested in. Each one of the four has positives that would benefit me mentally, emotionally, and physically.

What do you think?

I find that the only way I am going to do that is the same way I have been doing things since the accident. Take the hit and keep moving forward. Never give up. Face the depression, low energy, and anxiety with a healthier body and a will that won’t stop.

Let me know what makes it hard for you to exercise with one of these mental and emotional issues. How do you overcome them to exercise?

Positive Quotes When Feeling Down, Or Just Needing Encouragement

I find hearing quotes from people that have lived before me or from famous people that it helps when I am not feeling at my best. Positive quotes when feeling down reminds me that I must look at the glass as half full and never as half empty.

A lot of people would say this comes easy for me. Perhaps it does, but I know that it is a choice deep down inside of me. I know that it would be “easier” to just quit. But that is not who I am. It is not what we humans are.

Why do you think competition is so big in our world. We are fighters. We like to win and we do not like to lose.

This is why I find motivational quotes are so powerful. It grabs the lion by the mane and shakes him up. He then is let loose to go after the first target he sees. For us it is life itself.

Christopher Reeve

“Once you choose hope, anything is possible.”

Now this is a powerful line, but there is much more behind this quote then just the words. Christopher Reeve is oftentimes viewed and probably is still the best played Superman actor of all time. He embodied the role in 4 movies.

He was an iconic character in an era where the effects were just “out of this world” awesome! He had John Williams one of the great composers, in my opinion lead him to fame with the music. You put two great men together with a great character and how could you go wrong.

Mr. Reeve actually fell from his horse, which paralyzed him from the neck down. He said this line after he had been paralyzed. “Once you choose hope, anything is possible.”

Matt Lucas

“Keep yourself busy if you want to avoid depression. For me, inactivity is the enemy.”

I find this to be a true statement. What a quote that is. I have truly found that staying busy keeps me from thinking negatively. This in turn prevents me from falling into depression.

Matt Lucas career choice was stand up comedian. He had a rough life so it seems, which is quite often when it comes to people with depression. He had claimed once many comedians used their traumatic pasts to embolden their stand up.

I work 40-50 hours a week at my chrome shop, Kro-Pro, LLC, and I spend about 40 hours a week on working on Trauma Victim Help or learning how to work on it better.

I have not been as depressed lately since I have been keeping myself so busy. That I know for a fact; therefore, I agree with the line. “Keep yourself busy if you want to avoid depression. For me, inactivity is the enemy.” — Matt Lucas

Greenville Kleisser

“Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keep friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.”

In the last year, since I have developed struggling with depression I have found this to be true. It draws the opposite from the mind than depression and anxiety. The more I use it, the more I listen to it, or the more I watch it I feel my mood go up. Not further down.

Sadly, you can have only so much humor in your life. Sadly, comedies are not my favorite genre. I actually like a good drama or even chic-flicks over it at times. I especially like musicals.

Only so much humor. “Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keep friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.”

C. S. Lewis

“There are far, far better things ahead than anything we leave behind.”

I try to tell myself that, in my own words of course, all the time. More so now that I had the accident. To me the man I knew died that day.

I would tell myself that it was just one little adventure, a chapter, a small part of my whole life. I found I always tried staying aloft. It was, as if, I was looking down on someone else’s life. It seamed easier that way.

This is one reason why I push so hard to be successful. I do not mean successful in wealth, but in living a full, meaningful, and purpose driven life. “There are far, far better things ahead than anything we leave behind.”

Dalai Lama

“Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend — or a meaningful day.”

I feel that what I said above on conclusion of what C.S. Lewis fits this saying very well.

Neil Patrick Harris

“When I’m sad I stop being sad and be awesome instead.”

Neil Patrick Harris said this while acting in one of his shows. My wife enjoyed his show, but again comedy was not so much one of my things. He is very right.

He is really saying that: “it is my mind that says I am sad, so I decide to be happy instead.”. Mind over matter as it were.

“When I’m sad I stop being sad and be awesome instead.”


“In moments of discouragement, defeat, or even despair, there are always certain things to cling to. Little things usually: remembered laughter, the face of a sleeping child, a tree in the wind — in fact, any reminder of something deeply felt or dearly loved. No man is so poor as not to have many of these small candles. When they are lighted, darkness goes away — and a touch of wonder remains.”

When I say tombstone I literrally meant tombstone. This was found inscribed on a tombstone in England. Very fitting I think.

This is a reminder to any loved one that would read the tombstone to remember the good times and not dwell on the loss. I love this quote. This really does mean a lot to me. It is very deep and very profound.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

“Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it.”

This is something I used to tell my wife all the time. I would tell her to add up the bad and add up the good and I would tell her that I guarantee you will see positive will always outweigh the bad.

Think about it:

  1. The sun always comes up.
  2. The moon always comes up.
  3. The stars are usually visible to show the vastness of space beyond our small planet.
  4. The grass is green.
  5. The sky is usually blue.
  6. You usually get at least one good meal a day.
  7. The rainbow shines after a rainstorm.
  8. Thunder rolls in.
  9. Lightning flashes.
  10. Crickets chirp.
  11. Fish are always swimming.
  12. The dog always loves his master no matter what.
  13. There is someone out there to love each one of us (we just need to know where to look).
  14. Everyone else has struggles no matter, how perfect their lives may look. It is part of being human.
  15. We woke up this morning.
  16. We made it through another day.
  17. After every winter comes spring.
  18. In spring new life is born – animals, plants, and human too!
  19. We all usually get a smile from somebody every day… as long as we go into town.
  20. We were given a life to live.
  21. We have the choice to love and be loved.
  22. We are not robots, but flesh and bone.
  23. We have good days too!
  24. We even have traumavictimhelp.com there for us when we need it.

I spent only a couple minutes on that list. Now let us look at some negatives that I have:

  1. I was burned.
  2. I am now sickly.
  3. My wife is too.
  4. My wife is a handful because of her condition.
  5. I am nearly broke.
  6. I have angry customers.
  7. I have spiteful family members.
  8. Life is hard.
  9. My home is a little messy.
  10. I could really use another surgery.
  11. My debts after my accident had reached over $250,000 so far.
  12. We have infertility.

I already have run out of things to list!

These are but a few great and marvelous things in each one of our lives. I have shown a few of the negatives in my life. I look at my not being able to have children and it can make me depressed, but then I remind myself of all the children who have parents and fathers who love them.

I remember, three beautiful nieces and one wonderful nephew who all love me so much.

It would melt my heart when my little nephew would come running up to me as fast as possible.

“Uncle Jake, Uncle Jake!” one Uncle Jake was never enough and he would plow into me as hard as he could. Whenever he wanted my attention he would yell across his Grandpa’s lawn: “Uncle Jake, Uncle Jake!”

“Uncle Simon, Uncle Simon!” I would yell back to him. Being so little he would do what every child should have done.This is not Simon, but resembles him.

“What?” would be his response after he realized I called him. He could not possibly ignore his Uncle Jake…Uncle Jake.

“I don’t know, what?” I would respond.

“Watch me!” and he would show off grinning ear to ear knowing his “Uncle Jake, Uncle Jake” was watching him.

Memories of little nieces’ birthday and Christmas gifts being open. Little Evy loves her “Puppppiiieeesss!” Mackenzie knowing she has aunts and an uncle that love her. And little Sophia who is just too smart and too cute to be any good. (Her poor mom has her hands full!)

At least her “Uncle Jake (singular)” lives just a couple miles away!

Sylvester Stallone

I saved this one for the last because it is so powerful. It is probably my favorite scene from any movie that has come out of Hollywood . It was a scene in Rocky Balboa when his son was blaming him (Dad) for the failures that he (the son) was having.

“You ain’t gonna believe this, but you used to fit right here. (He gestures to the palm of his hand). I’d hold you up to say to your mother, ‘This kid’s gonna be the best kid in the world. This kid’s gonna be somebody better than anybody I ever knew.’ And you grew up good and wonderful. It was great just watchin’ you, every day was like a privilege. Then the time come for you to be your own man and take on the world, and you did. But somewhere along the line, you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you’re no good. And when things got hard, you started lookin’ for something to blame, like a big shadow.

Let me tell you something you already know.The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!

Now if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth! But you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that!

I’m always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You’re my son and you’re my blood. You’re the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, you ain’t gonna have a life.” (This quote was taken from an article by Evan Sanders.)

This was a well deliberate and hard thing to say as a father to a son, but one of the most powerful things is that he did not stop at “You’re better than that!” He went on to say how much he loved his son and how important he was to him.

My business partner is not a fan of Stallone, but even he was impressed with that scene. The world around us is a place that can destroy every single one of us. The football is in our hands and we get to decide where to throw it. Or we can let the opposing team tackle us.

If we choose to get tackled then it is on us to make the decision to get back up or stay down and be upset that we could not “take the hit.” I took a big hit May 22nd, 2017. I also chose to get back up. I got knocked back down. I got back up. Guess what?

I got knocked down again? But I still got back up. It is a choice every single second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year, and life. I have made the decision that I will take the hit every single day of my life. I am going to live it to the fullest.

No matter what anybody says or does is going to stop me from that.

Will I have down times. Of course, but will I stay down and grovel in myself. No I will not and I will keep fighting back. I will help everybody I possibly can to get back up on their feet. I will help them take another step forward. That way I can as well.

We do not have to be alone. We can be a team fighting against our greatest enemy in life, which is life itself. My choice is to spit Life in its face and run right over him.

It is all about choice!

It is all about choice and choice alone. We can point fingers and cry about the unfairness, but we have to be honest to ourselves and realize that other people are where they are at because they worked to get there. Are we going to work hard.

Or are we going to throw in the towel and say “I cannot do this.”

Well, the fact is this: “I can’t do this, but I can with help.” So I am asking for more people, specifically–YOU–to stand up and join me in my fight against depression, against PTSD, against anxiety, and against life itself.

We can do this together, where we cannot alone. What one man cannot do a few can do. Where there are others suffering we can be brothers and sisters to fight with and alongside of us.

Where there is depression…. There is a group of fighters standing as one shaking their fists.

We are soldiers:united under a common cause.

Please take some time and comment below. I really would like to hear from you. Let me know if this raises your spirits up, even just a little. Even a fleeting moment is a victory.

Supplements for Energy and Focus – For PTSD Victims

After my accident I have found that I am on many types of medication to help me live as normal a life as I can. I will be sharing the list of Supplements for energy and focus with you from everything that I have found and feel would be helpful or beneficial or anyone who is suffering from PTSD.

If you are going to be taking something besides medication to help with energy and focus, it is my opinion, that you should use and all natural or organic process. It is also, in my opinion, that you should go for natural / organic whenever possible. The reason is the government has stricter control over organic than they do natural, which means organic may not be as healthy as all natural is because the government does not have control like it does with organic.

What medications I am on

The medication that I am on is the following:

  • Fluoxetine
  • Nortriptyline
  • Miralax

Fluoxetine is a medicine that levels off the brain by the way up adding serotonin human brain. Fluoxetine can help with OCD, depression, mood swings, panic attacks, and certain eating disorders.

Nortriptyline is a medicine that treats depression and panic attacks. A specific medication is also helping was that nerve damage to my heart and face.

I am taking Miralax for stool softener, which I believe is enough said.

The reason I need help with energy and focus.

PTSD, anxiety, and depression makes it very difficult to be able to focus on even the basic tasks. I want to sleep a lot more than I ever have before. Yet I am only getting a few hours of sleep a night.

If, I take a nap earlier in the evening I will sleep like a rock. Once it is bedtime, it is a whole different matter. The reason I would like to find a natural supplement is because I am on two medications as it is. Before this accident I rarely if ever used medications.

This is the reason, I have made the decision to look for natural supplements for energy and focus. difficulty is that there is a lot to choose from.

List natural ingredients to help with energy and focus.

  • Ashwagandha
  • L-Theanine in caffeine
  • CoQ10
  • Tyrosine
  • Rhodiola Rosea
  • Beetroot Powder
  • Vitamin B12
  • Melatonin
  • Creatine
  • Iron
  • Citrulline
  • Moringa Tree Extract

Garza West of all the health benefits of each of these products.

Ashwagandha – stress relief, energy boost, mood boost, helps with restful sleep, focus, memory, brain cell regeneration, blood sugar control, helps against cancer, stimulates thyroid, helps with infertility, helps with sexual performance, helps fight against menopausal problems, increases workout performance, and causes relief to arthritis.

L-Theanine – improves brain function, reduces anxiety, reduces stress, Defends blood vessels and heart, reduces negative effects of caffeine, Helps with sleeping better, it is an antioxidant, helps against cancer and enhances medicine effects, helps against weakened immunity, Has actually reduced symptoms of schizophrenia buy some sources, can help heal stomach ulcers produces symptoms of depression, And can help with weight loss.

CoQ10 – muscular dystrophies, high cholesterol, hormonal cancers, Periodontitis, chest pain, muscular degeneration because of age, cardiomyopathy, infertility, heart attack/failure, migraines, diabetes, chronic fatigue syndrome, dementia, Parkinson’s disease, and Alzheimer’s.

Tyrosine – increases in thyroid hormone release, maintains working memory, ADD improvement, dopamine improvement, helps against Parkinson’s disease, helps against depression, speeds up reflexes, increases performance during stress, focus improvement, after lack of sleep it can improve alertness.

Rhodiola Rosea – eases anxiety, fights cancer, defends heart, increases energy, increases athletic performance, weight loss help, decreases stress, claims of it making people smarter, can help cure depression, controls blood sugar levels, and defends and stimulates immune system.

Beetroot Powder – good for the heart by lowering blood pressure, good for liver, fights against cancer, resists against inflammation, helps with energy increase, blood sugar control, increases brain health, pregnancy benefits, helps with cholesterol, and helps with digestion.

Vitamin B12 – is an analgesic, mood improvement, anti-inflammatory, increases energy, helps in make red blood cells, helps with a healthy heart, reduces Alzheimer’s disease, helps in digestion, helps with healthy nails, helps the skin, helps the hair, fights cancer, helps in immune system, and pregnancy benefits.

Melatonin – fights against hair loss, helps against GERD, promotes healthy immune function, reduces blood pressure, may help against cancer, protects the brain, strengthens the blood-brain barrier, helps against diabetes, assists in reproduction, helps the Circadian Rhythms, assists in organ transplant complications, helps with aging, assists in brain regeneration, helps sleep, assists in vision, good against diabetes, fights against Parkinson’s helps heal traumatic brain injury, an antioxidant, may help with fertility, fights radiation, reduces inflammation, helps in Alzheimer’s, and relieves tinnitus.

Creatine – brain function improvement, fights against diabetes, improves energy, improves exercise performance, promotes healthy muscles, fights against various diseases, and lowers blood sugar levels.

Iron – brain function, promotes the movement of oxygen through the body, iron deficiency anemia, and muscle function.

Citrulline – increase blood flow, lowers blood pressure, production increase of nitric oxide, possible growth hormone, improves conditions of heart failure, fixes disorders in the urea cycle, improves muscle endurance, supports immune system, helps against erectile dysfunction, suggestions of it helping against sickle cell anemia, and increases aerobic workload abilities.

Moringa tree extract – stomach pain, is put on wounds, used against athletes foot, intestinal ulcers, parasitic infections fights against cancer, has been used for birth control, some used it for gingivitis, viral infections, increase breast milk production anemia, intestinal spasms, high blood pressure used as a tonic, warts, used as germ killer on skin, boosts immune system, treats infection, use it to fight infection from snakebites, arthritis and rheumatism, increases sex drive, helps against heart problems, constipation, dandruff, thyroid disorders, asthma, diabetes, bacterial, fights headaches, diarrhea, helps with fluid retention, reduces swelling, fungal, epilepsy, and kidney stones.

Products available with some of these ingredients.

Here are a few that have had fair reviews. Several have links for you to go to amazon to get more information on them.

Cognitive Niche – contains our Ashwagandha and B12.

L-Theanine by Sports Research.

Supermind – CoQ10 and Tyrosine.

SuperMix – Moringa tree extract.

Out of all of these I have not used any except a few samples from the company that makes the SuperMix. My cousin sells it and swears by it. My business partner buys it stating the energy levels he gets are crazy. I do have plans to try a month’s supply of the SuperMix to try out over the period of a month.

My final thoughts are to go natural.

Whenever possible, it is best to go natural. I do not think it is wise to add any form of chemical to your body unless there is no other alternative. To date I have a couple medications that I have not been able to walk away from, as yet; however, I am highly hopeful that I can walk away from them further down the road.

I listed earlier that I was taking miralax, which I listed even though I have not needed it in quite some time. I still keep it on hand every day because I never know when I might need it again.

The further I get away from my accident the more I will be experimenting with natural methods over the medications. The doctors have already told me for my skin to heal as far as it should that it would take two years.

May 22nd next year will be my two year mark.

What are your thoughts? Is there medications that you cannot go off of? How about if there are possible natural ones you think might work for you? Please comment below. I want to hear your comments!

How to Reduce Anxiety at Work – As a Shop Manager

One of the hardest things I ever had to learn to do was to learn how to reduce anxiety at work. This was not a thing easily picked up and it most definitely was not enjoyable to pick up either.

I have probably seen or faced some of the worst case situations imaginable as a shop manager, employee, and owner of companies over the years. You are going to find some interesting things that I have come across.

I will share some of the “worst” experiences. At the end of all these rough experiences I will show how I learned to deal with anxiety in such circumstances.

Irate Customer

An irate customer is one of the most dreaded experiences anybody has to face. I am not sure if I have ever met a person who said that they enjoy dealing with irate customers.

Years ago, when I still worked for my father-in-law (Yes, very hard to work for family at times), I learned what it was like to deal with an absolute irate customer.

Sad to say the customer had a legitimate complaint. My father-in-law accidentally left the man’s muffler in our nickel strip for way to long. The acids ate holes throughout the pipe.

The customer was given the part finished in plating, but it looked like junk. My father-in-law told him take a look at it when he was putting his bike back together and we were willing to pay for a replacement to the pipe if he was to find and purchase it.

Long story short. The guy did not remember coming in to the shop. He said it was his brother-in-law whom he sent to pick up. My father-in-law kept saying it was him and we would take care of it. The customer had no worries. The guy kept freaking out over the phone as I listened. He was getting angrier and angrier

We concluded the conversation of him yelling at my father-in-law with a simple reply, which was brilliant on his part.

“Sir, you are the only man in all my years who walked into my shop and was talking to me. Reached into your pocket. Pulled out a beer can. Opened it. And chugged it in one gulp.”

“Oh…. So you’ll take care of the cost to replace it then.”



That was one nasty situation that could have gone south real fast.

Dealing with no show employees.

No show employees is the bane in the business. You would think you could expect an employee to show up to work and they will find all kinds of colorful ways of not showing up.

My brothers had called and used this: “Sir, I cannot come into work (Burger King) today; because I got explosive diarrhea.” I have never heard of that before, but they never showed to work.

My wife’s cousin had an employee say that: “I am going to the gas station for a donut you want one?” He said sure and the guy said we can settle up later. I think he has been waiting for that donut for about ten years now… the guy never came back.

I had one employee lose about 5–maybe 6 grandmas. They were all like a “mom” to him. He missed almost a week each time. I felt like I was getting the impression his mom was a horrible mother. I met her once and she did not seam like the type of person to have been a bad mother.

As a manager and excuses like these do not help the matter at all. Our anxiety level sky rockets when we get the rug pulled out from under us.

Police show up.

Yes, I said it. I had the police show up when I was in charge twice in the last 2 years. I felt horrible for the one employee when they showed for him. He was not there, but the one officer sounded like he was out to “kill” my employee and not just take him in. The story they told did not sound right and I knew what it was about had to be false.

He showed up to work the next day. I tell you what my anxiety went to the moon when I saw him. I told him the police were looking for him and he took off. I hated doing it, but I had to call 911 and say which direction he was heading.

Thankfully, a month later I ran into him. The cop had claimed he would be put away for many, many years. This guy was on the streets still and I asked him what ever happened with the situation. He said he showed up to court and the accuser never showed so the case was dropped.

I met the other person. They were insane and filed a false report. They were afraid.

Sad to say, I lost an employee over it though.

The second experience with the cops was when I had two cops with flashlights strobing coming into my plating room hands going for their guns. This was like a week ago. Thankfully I had my plating nitrile apron on and they knew at once I worked there.

They had seen the bay door wide open and no vehicles. They assumed we were broken into.

My partner said to me.

“I am glad it was you. They would have put me to the ground.”

This is the worst… when discrimination is accused.

I had one employee calling claims of only him being treated a certain way. Everybody else was treated differently, but he was solely picked out.

I asked if he was calling me racist.

Anybody who knows me knows I am by far no racist. My brother-in-law and several cousins that are African-American. My partner is too. I hold him as the closest friend I have.

There are many more that I can share, but the best secrets will be about the same.

For one. The customer is not always right, but you cannot tell him that. You need to learn to agree with him in such a way to come up with a workable solution, which is one that you make him appear to have come up with himself. That is even if you were the creator of the idea.

If you can handle every situation with a smile and a more joyous bounce in your step you will curb upset customers and employees alike.

It was hard, but I had to learn to know any business that I am a part of inside and out if I was going to have an authoritative position. The more I know about the business I am in then the less likely that when I “problem” appears it is not as “world ending” as if I did not know much of everything going on around me.

I have had to learn to take my time, think through every situation possible, and make the right action needed. Sometimes the best action is pushing it off for a day to think about it. At other times you just may have to deal with the situation then and there.

I have learned to take a deep breath and exhaling counting backwards from ten can help calm myself down.

If all else fails, that is what doctors are for. My wife and I both are on anxiety medication because it is that bad for both of us.

Medication and counseling are two great options if the anxiety is too much.

Please comment below. I was being tactful with how I mentioned some hard points. I want to hear and discuss these bad situations that have or may come up, but everyone is a human being. We are all equal; whether we be black, red, white or Hulk green. We are equal as male and female so please no hate mongering.

Good serious comments about anxiety stresses and solutions that have worked for you.






Tips To Focus at Work – 6 Key ways

I have found that since my acid burns and some recovery stages that my focusing capabilities at work have dropped substantially. Over the last year since the accident, I have developed several methods that helped me overcome sporadic thinking or difficulties in my “new method” of thought patterns.

To begin I just want to say that “you are not dumb, you just think differently than most people. To put it in the “thought pattern” of Jedi Master Yoda from Star Wars: “think pattern different you have.” To the fans of Star Wars his speak pattern, which is attached to his thought pattern was not viewed as making him stupid, but in fact they viewed him as wise. Remember this when you work on controlling your focus patterns at work. We are now ready to take a look at my tips to focus at work better.

Easily distracted and how to overcome it.

It did not take long for me to notice I had a very hard time to focus on doing my work at the shop. Before I had my accident I could do the following:

  • Go clean, rinse, acid etch and drop a part in my strike tank for three minutes
  • Go to my nickel tank to pull a part, rinse it, then drop it in chrome for 1 minute.
  • Go back to my strike tank, pull the part, and rinse it in my three rinse tanks while leaving the part in the final rinse.
  • Go back to chrome and pull the part I just placed in there, rinse it off in the three rinse tanks, and hang it to dry.
  • Go to my acid copper tank, pull one part out, triple rinse it, and hang it to dry.
  • Pull the part out of the final strike rinse and drop it down in the opening in copper for an hour-three depending on what the custom part calls for.

In this process, I also had many unforeseen interruptions:

  • An employee coming up to ask questions.
  • Customer coming in shop and I am having to go tell them to give me “1-5 minutes as I am in the middle of tank switch over.”
  • Rinse tank getting low on water and needing to refill it.
  • If the rinse tank is being filled with a hose and I walk away I have to remember to come back and turn off before over flowing.
  • Answering phone calls.
  • Answering emails on my phone.
  • Answering text messages from customers
  • Ordering supplies
  • Working with supply vendors when they make a surprise visit.
  • Had to wire up or rack more parts as needed.
  • Had to unwire and unrack parts as needed and bring to the station that they needed to go to.
  • Add chemicals in tanks as needed.
  • Do chemical tests as needed.
  • Log what I am doing.

I can easily tell you that I used to miss a lot of lunches. I had to have employees leave their work station to finish my tasks a lot due to anyone of these distractions, I had to rush the distraction, or pause it, and go back to what I was doing.

In all this, I was still quoting jobs and handling customer/employee complaints.

Needless to say, my multi-tasking capabilities were 100% gone after my ordeal. I would lose my train of thought in just talking.

Tip # 1: Stop multi-tasking, prioritize in order, and follow through.

If this means writing it down then do so.

Removing distractions.

You will learn, as I had to, that what used to not be distractions can/will be distractions now. In this known fact, you must eliminate any and all distractions possible until you can start gaining focus.

Tip # 2: Eliminate all distractions.

This can be any of the following or a combination of them:

  • Music in work area.
  • Talking to fellow workers.
  • Distracting habits like snacks or flavored drinks that encourages you to stop what you are doing to get the taste.
  • Customer televisions/your television near your work areas volume level.
  • (personal use) social media accounts on your cell phones/work computers.
  • (personal use) Talking on a headset.
  • (personal use) Texting
  • (personal use) emailing
  • (personal use) Visitors
  • Too frequent bathroom breaks.

Dealing with swamped feeling of frustrations over large assignments!

“Oh, my gosh, I got 30 things to do today, ahh!”

Tip # 3: Shrink your task list.

This does not mean to only do what you want for the day and get in trouble with the boss or customers. I learned this idea recently from a YouTube training video, which is a hobby of mine learning from experts on YouTube. Set the tasks in a prioritized master list and then make smaller lists of 3-5 Max in the proper order.

First once you have it set up on the master list and then make the smaller lists. Put away the master list while you use your smaller ones. Discard the finished lists so not to get messed up and only keep the current one out at a given time.

The “encloser”

I am sure everyone has seen the small little pig “encloser” with multiple pigs in it. It is thick deep mud and nasty looking with all kinds of sickly looking stuff in it. Maybe the farmer does not even throw the slop in a trough and instead just dumps it in the mud and the muck.

Tip # 4: Clean up the Pig “encloser” in your work area.

A clean organized work area is a must so you do not go mad in frustration. I myself cannot work in a mess, but I am a messy worker by heart. (Yes, I have never figured out how that makes sense, but that is me.) I have found though the cleaner and simpler of a work area I can have the better it is.

Trust me it can be a chore, but if I can do it during a working day in 2,000-3,000 square feet then I think the average person can in a much smaller work area. Most employers require a clean work area.

Example: years ago we were short on work and we had to lay off the copper plater in my father-in-laws shop. He had a small 8′ X 8′ area where he could keep some needed tools and “stuff” for the plating room. When I laid him off and started cleaning this area I filled three 55 gallon trash cans with “junk” and “trash” that he thought might have been worth keeping for something “down the road”.

I just did the same thing in my whole plating room in my shop and I eliminated a lot of accumulated junk and scrap metal. I had been filling a 5 yard dumpster weekly with junk as we were cleaning up the shop. The neighbor house enjoyed throwing their garbage in it too. Now we are on week two and I can still see the metal floor in the dumpster.

Tip # 5: Simply organize your work area.

The cleanliness and organization itself helps me focus on my job because I do not feel like I am drowning in it all anymore.

Focusing is all in the–

Focusing, I think, is all in the head. I do think we find after a mind altering circumstance in a traumatic situation that are focusing capabilities change, but I do not think that one truly has a focusing problem.

I see it as we are back to being teenagers and just have to re-learn who we are and how we need to think and focus. I have been focusing better because I stopped saying and viewing myself as having a focusing issue. I re-adjusted my thought pattern and my method of doing things, which appeared to have worked for me. This is my opinion and not a fact so feel free to disagree.

The last tip I have learned since the accident to focus better was very simple.

Tip # 6: Put your cell phone away when you do not need it. (Away can be your pocket. If you need to turn volume down or off.)

This means in the following circumstances:

  • Talking to someone.
  • While at work.
  • Doing the dishes at home.
  • chopping the wood!
  • If you use it for music at work set it to your station/list and leave it. Change only on breaks.

Never Give up!

The most important thing is to never give up. Keep moving forward and don’t look back if you have failed. Stop dwelling on how many times you failed and look at them as ways you have learned in what not to do. Use your “failure success” to eventually learn how to start focusing better.

What differences in thought patterns have you noticed in yourself? Have you figured out any new ways to focus better at work? Please share your thoughts.

Just remember that: “think pattern different you have. Stupid you are not!”





How Do You View the World – My Book Summary

How do you view the world is not the title of my book, but it is more of a reflection of how I see things now that I have gone through a traumatic ordeal. So before we get into a simple summary about the book, you have to ask yourself these questions:

  1. what vision do you have of the world?
  2. How do you see people?
  3. How do you feel about people?
  4. How do you feel about the pain that many of them actually are going through?
  5. Are you going to treat them differently?
  6. If so, in a positive or negative way?

These are deep questions and there needs to be serious answers. Once you answer them write them down. Stay tuned for the reason why.

The title of my short Ebook is Success: How to Succeed or Accept People After a Traumatic Event

Click on image to purchase/get more information.

Success was written differently than I have ever written before. Ironically, it is also the first thing I have published too.

I wrote it in a unique form for my readers.

How did I Write It

I wrote the short book in 1 week’s time frame; as fast as my thoughts came I was typing them up. I did not spend hours and hours editing it, but I still did re-edit it like three times. I did not spend a lot of time developing a plan on how I was writing the book. I wrote how I felt and what I saw. I even used common words or phrases and referenced multiple movies for effect, illustration, or flare.


Chapter Titles

This booklet is 11 short chapters long. They are not complex or long chapters. They are also written in more detail like a normal book and not like a lot of online content that you see today. My goal, was to give these chapters and this booklet some meat to it, but at the same time I made sure to keep it lean.

  • Preface
  • Who I Am
  • Success Means Taking the Hits
  • Failure Success
  • The Black Hole
  • Life Goes On
  • Make the Best of It
  • Isolation
  • Breaking the Chains
  • Facing Rejection
  • We are Not Cowards

Type of Book

The idea I had for Success was to give a self-help booklet to people who are trying to understand themselves after a traumatic event. This was also a booklet that was to help other people who have not gone through a traumatic event so they can understand the mindset of other people. At times, I might make things sound pretty bleak, but if you look deeply enough you will see there is a silver lining throughout. There is that sliver of hope… it is that sliver of hope in all of us that is beating against a wall trying desperately to break free.

It is in this tone where I carry most of the booklet, but that is to reach the darker side of all of us. It is in that moment that the sliver of hope resides. It is in this place where you will find the inner warrior who strives to keep on fighting.

Absolute Planned Outcome of This Booklet

I have a goal of creating a 4-5 episode lecture series on the topics presented in the book. There is a lot of meat, a lot of depth, and a lot of vibrancy that can be discovered from my hard-earned knowledge and experience. There are going to be people on both sides of the fence.

Some will be radically idealistic one way and the others the opposite direction. You have to be willing to reach in between the two sides and pull up the fence; because the solution is under it. It is in between the rivalry of the two parties. It is there will you will find us suffering, you will find us gasping for breath, and amongst us you will find the truth and the way to help us along.

It is from this perspective that I plan on developing my lectures. It is from this perspective that I plan on spreading awareness. It is from this perspective that we can find a common place, if we so choose, that the sufferer and the normal to coincide together.

It is from this book

It is from this book that you will find the inner turmoil of a man who sees a war going on. It is unique; because, I am suffering mentally, I am suffering physically, and I am suffering emotionally. I grew up as a Conservative Christian, but it is for personal reasons that I left that life.

This will leave a unique perspective not of bitterness and not of hate. It is a unique perspective of confusion and betrayal. I have grown beyond this. I no longer turmoil over the spiritual, but of the medical damage done to me physically and emotionally.

As you can see… I have developed a purpose for my life. I want to reach out and help people who feel abandoned. I want to give full guidance and suggestions how to work through these burdens and inner demons.

My goal is to give everyone a fighting chance to have the same chance as other people have through–Success.


Update to my book:

I just published the paperback copy to my book (10-15-18). It is now available through Amazon and you can get to it by the photo of my book cover here.  There is several bonus materials at the end of the booklet with three of the main blogs I have posted thus far.

Click on image to purchase/get more information.


There have been some minor updates from the ebook version. I still hold paperback as more special than an ebook version. I enjoy feeling my fingers skim through the pages.


Wait! Did you think I forgot?

You probably wanted to know what I was going to tell you about those answers. You need to write those down about your thoughts because the whole idea of how you see the world is very important. Take that vision you have and forget about it. Put the paper away and seal the envelope.

If you want to have fun with it you can even mail it to yourself, but do not open it. hold on to it for several months. Read my book. Find people and loved ones who actually may be suffering from trauma of some kind. Look at them from my perspective and reach out to them. Do not judge or belittle them… just love them and listen to everything they say. Be there for them.

In the end of the two months I want you to write down the answers to these questions:

  1. what vision do you have of the world?
  2. How do you see people?
  3. How do you feel about people?
  4. How do you feel about the pain that many of them actually are going through?
  5. Are you going to treat them differently?
  6. If so, in a positive or negative way?

After you do–I want you to pull out that envelope. Sit down by yourself and in a calm mind compare your answers to the question. My hope is that you will find that you are more tolerant of people after you read this short book.






Service Dog Anxiety Disorder – Should I Do It

Since my horrid shop accident I find having my dogs around me helps a lot. I have been considering for about six weeks; about getting my puppy set up to be one for me. I have been doing a lot of research, which has shown me a few issues to be careful with.

Service dog anxiety disorder is an actual trained dog that you can get if you so choose to go that route.

Types of Service Dogs

Service dogs are for the disabled. That is pretty obvious, but what kinds of disabled are they able to help?

  • Psychiatric
  • Anxiety
  • Sensory i.e. hearing etc.
  • Autism
  • Diabeties
  • Skeletal conditions
  • Siezures

It is clearly obvious, that there are plenty more, but a lot of them are also subcategories from above as well. Service dogs are clearly a common method of assisting the sick and physically disabled.

Difference Between a Service Dog and a Support Dog

There are two types of support dogs. It is important to know what the legal laws are for the type of support dog you have. I have compiled information to share with you about the differences of the two.

Support – need medical documentation proving this is a legal support animal. It actually does not need to be trained in any professional way. It is a companion. It is man’s best friend. It does not have the same legal rights as a service dog. It is a therapeutic animal.

Service dog – need to be professionally trained for a specific need that it’s master cannot do himself. Such as reach what the master is unable to reach.

Where Do I fit In

Well, I am not sure exactly at the moment. I definitely am not currently disabled to have a service dog; however, I may have enough mental issues to qualify for a support dog.

I struggle with:

  • PTSD
  • Anxiety
  • Depression

I am in the process to go see a psychiatrist about my mental condition from these three issues. I plan on asking him about an emotional support animal for me. For one, I do not think I am qualified for disability and if I was I do not want to go on it at such a young age if I do not have to.

This being the case then I have done my responsible act of researching emotional support dogs in Michigan. I have discovered that the only real benefit for owning an emotional support dog for someone who needs the extra support is the ability of not being denied or charged extra pet fees for a place of housing.

That is the only benefit for us to get our dogs registered as emotional support animals.

Where Do I Plan to Go from Here

For me it means I go see the specialist and see what he says about my health and condition as a whole. I might ask for the emotional support for the financial and housing benefit, but that is about it. This is only if I have legal rights to ask for it. I will not ask for a “favor” or “just do it for me” from him. It would have to be legit

Just like for Conceal Carry Permit in the States having a lot of loose arguments and challenges so does emotional support animals. This means for you, you have got to be very careful and clear in your state or country on what the laws are. Simply saying “I didn’t know” does not fly. Nor does fighting with people about how unfair it is to you.

Be Careful and Be Honest

I ask that you just be careful and be honest with these laws. They are there for a reason and do not need to be abused. If you honestly, just want it for free pet housing and the ability to pick any home and not be denied for owning a pet, then your priorities are shallow.

Think of all the issues people like you are finding because the system is being misused. Do not make things worse for those who truly need the support for their animals.

Whether mine are emotional support or not they are still there for me as I need them. Nikki and I cannot have kids and we look at these dogs as our kids. It may sound stupid to a lot of people, but if you knew how rough of a life we have had in the last 13 years you should be able to understand.

Lockjaw @ 12 Weeks OldI have brought my puppy, Lockjaw (yes, I named him after the Marvel superhero), to the shop the last two days. He is a great emotional support for me literally. Having him near me or wandering where I have to look for him for a couple minutes would break up the busy and hectic day. Even in stressful situations having him there was a slight enough distraction to assist me through it.

I am one of the owners of the business for those of you who do not know. I did not just bring my dog to work… that would not be a good situation to be in. He also has a huge fenced in yard to run and play in, which is more than he has at my apartment.

Dog is Man’s Best Friend

The most loyal and faithful companion anybody can have is his dog. No matter how rough you treat him or how poor you may be, he will love and cherish you. If you struggle with PTSD, depression, or anxiety then I encourage you to get one. Even if you have no conditions of any kind I still recommend getting a dog There is something about seeing that happy excited face and dancing body of a pet that is excited to see you.

I have found the more I am around my puppy the calmer and more relaxed I feel. He loves me no matter what. I can scold him in one instant. The next he will be begging for love. He is the perfect calmer to assist me unsteady mind.

Final words…. The photo above is Lockjaw, can you guess what breed he is?





Weighted Blanket Reviews – Useful For Many Mental Stressors

Depression, Anxiety, Stress, PTSD, insomnia, and night terrors all make sleeping at night very difficult for many people. My wife has to wear a headset to bed to drown out everything she piles herself up with many blankets. She told me that she prefers when her little dog lies on her back because the weight is soothing to her.

Weighted blanket reviews is something I have been looking up lately. Her dog no longer lays where she likes it to. My wife told me that she has not been sleeping well anymore since Sophie Ann stopped.

Nikki already takes prescribed sleeping pills. The weighted blanket was something I heard about and started doing quite a bit of research.

Weighted Blanket – Does it Work

From looking at many makes and comparing reviews by many people I would definitely say they work. Nikki told me she tested weighted stuffed animals that were made by a crafter for children. She said it worked great.

Common sense says if a stuffed animal works then a blanket would too. Obviously, if it was that horrible it would not have as many positive reviews as it does.

I cannot remember what medical situation I was in at the time, but I do remember the doctor having me covered by a heavy plastic apron. As I recall, it was quite soothing even when he was working on me. If my memory serves it was when I was a kid and getting a filling done. It did leave an impression nonetheless.

The average reviews on Amazon show a 4.5 star rating out of 5 stars.

I showed my wife these and did not need to show her anymore than that it was for sale.

“I want one. The stuffed animal worked great that I tested. I want one!” she was very sincere in her statement (or was it more of a command) Needless to say, I am planning on purchasing one for us. What the wife says, the wife gets. Anyhow, back to being serious… once work picks up at the shop I will be purchasing one post-haste to give my full review.

Until then see what else I found fascinating about these blankets.

I found several sellers and companies that had 50 to over 900 reviews. The average reviews on the internet I still found were 4.5 out of 5. For multiple companies with the same type of products with such a high review rating to me suggests very strongly this weight blanket is going to be of help to my wife and me. Even if it does not eliminate anything and just helps something a bit it will be worth it to us.

Common Issues

Issues. Really!

There is one main common issue that a lot of customers have complained about. First off, most of them started out loving the blankets. Knowing this information we know it still works, but the main issue that people find is the weight in the blanket does not stay in place for very long before it starts moving around.

This clearly would be an issue, if the whole goal is to have an even weighted pressure over your body. Moving weight is in no way going to leave an even pressure for you.

Do They Come in Different Sizes and Colors?

Yes, each company has its own line of what sizes and colors it provides. You are looking at all the regular bed sizes: Twin Double, Queen, and King. The weight in the blankets average between 12-20 lbs.

The weight can be of several materials:

  • Poly pellets
  • Glass Beads
  • DIY people sometimes use rice
  • DIY people sometimes use plastic pellets
  • My wife if she was to make one would use whole corn from Tractor supply. Whole corn smells better than rice and take up more space with less weight than rice. (Then again we would not be able to wash it either!)

What are The Average Prices?

The average price varies quite a bit depending on the company, the quality, the size, and what materials are being used. The cheapest price I could find was 34.99. The most expensive price I could find was $315.00.

My Thoughts

You have to be very careful and read the washing and drying directions carefully. Whatever you do, do not wash rice or corn ones. Moldy food will follow. I only warn you; because, my wife used to sell heating corn bags for aches and pains. Someone did try washing it.

My plan is to buy a mid-ranged price and quality one for my wife to try out. I hope to have it in within the next month or so. I plan on purchasing from Amazon. I will let you see where I plan to buy from and below will explain why I chose to purchase from them.

The reason I chose the seller Sensory Goods on Amazon is for several key reasons. First, I chose to buy from them because they are an American company. Sometimes I enjoy supporting my national companies and I do not purchase from them enough at times. I felt their price of $160.99 seamed very reasonable for being US made.

The second reason I chose to purchase from them is because, I liked the fact that, they used glass beads. Their listing said specifically that there is no special washing and drying methods needed. The glass beads clearly were permanently affixed since their listing specifically stated that there is no taking apart necessary. I figured why hassle with the risk of messing up on one that had special instructions or comes apart.

The third reason I chose to go with them was that they hand make each one. The weighted blanket is shipped out next business day, which means it would arrive very quickly.

They have a total of 12 color options and have many weights and sizes to choose from as well.

The color options are:

Too Many Choices!
  • Black
  • Blue
  • Navy
  • Denim
  • Red
  • Burgundy
  • Brown
  • Tan
  • Purple
  • Forest Green
  • Hot Pink
  • Light Yellow

We are going with the 15 lb. one.

Nikki might pick Hot Pink.

Once we have it in and tested I will post it here ASAP.

This photo is of where I plan to buy.


I had an interesting discovery when I was doing my research. I found a blanket (not weighted blanket) for sale at the price of $17,386.00. At that price, I would hope it is one of the most comfortable blankets around.

Why I Chose to Do a Review Pre-Trying

You might have found it very odd that I would even consider reviewing this product without even having used one in recent years. I thought to myself that many people give reviews online, but you never know if they actually bought and tried what they are giving a review on.

Because of this reason I thought if I did a preview, then I can come back later and do a Part II, which can say how I did on the product review. If this works out you as my readers like how I did it perhaps I will try to do it this way again in the future.